saw everybody i wanted to see tonight, well, not everybody.

im feeling myself throwing my lifr away over thisd stupid game i play every single damn day. i dont even know why i play it anymore.

smelly belly ran away. he never came back. i waited and waited and waited but he never returned and he never appeared as i was calling him and last night i was feeling very very sad and i was crying all over the place and calling his name like i was crazy and he never appeared. right now i miss him so much but i cant do anything about it but rant over it as if anyone would actually listen to me sulk over my ran-away hamster which i happen to be very fond of even he likes nipping at my nails and even if he stinks sometimes and he never finishes his food and just tucks them away in his tiny little pouches until it rots that he can never eat them anymore...

my birthday yesterday... all was normal except of course, my bestfriend, who is crazy again. she made me miss 3 of my final exams. grrrrrrreat.

nothing for me today.. went to school but nothing happened. what a boring boring day. but im a day nearer 18!!!! i wonder what will change.. or what will stay..

HAAAAAYYY I FEEL SO SLEEPY

i breathed a sign of relief. finished everything today... bwiset na psyche yan... but atleast im done! overnight pRO marathon na ito~!~! haaaaaaayyyyy.... sometimes i really want to die but there are times when i just love remembering...

a poem i loved

a poem i loved..

I Died with Jesus

I died with Jesus
And with Him was buried;
Yet raised from the dead,
With a new life to live.

In the waters I felt
Him wash my body;
The death He died
He died for my sin.

I was crucified,
Yet freed from my old body;
Together with Christ in burial,
United in resurrection.

Jesus Christ died for me,
And now I live for Him;
To Heaven He ascended
My place to prepare.

His throne of grace
My hope and salvation;
His great power in me
Incomparable to the world.

The new life I have
Is a life lived by Jesus;
At the right hand of God,
He directs my path.

I am dead to sin
But alive to God in Christ;
Possessing the glorious hope
With Jesus in eternal life.

-anonymous

aching muscles and my foot into paolo flores' ass

haaaaayy.. i enjoyed "rockista" last saturday, ok. but now my leg muscles hurt like crazy. ive got battle scars everywhere and allergies form all the smoke. its fun though. i love Ely Buendia.

the thing with paolo, though, is a little less than fun itself (but FUN just the same!) i was sort of disappointed that he couldn't tell me anything that makes actual sense so that i could at least understand you know? all i found out was he REALLY was that fucking gay! the chicken shit.. but dont get me all wrong, i had to pity the guy, i really do. at least the fury's long gone.. or is it? so maybe i can forgive... but i can never, ever forget.

really????

i mean , REALLY. u think we'll buy that 2nd rate acting of yours? now that everybody knows what a fake you are. and to even THINK of doing that to me is the most pathetic thing ive ever heard since the boyband age. dont tell me you're actually enjoying it? or are u just too dense to realize our whole block is laughing behind your back and right into your face as well! think again, BFL, who's gonna buy your fronts? you should've known. im too smart for that. apparently, your're not! anyway, enough about enjoying your mortification. ill let our class handle that.

and by the way, it was awfully funny in psyche 101 this morning... can u actually believe our professor knows about it too? well, its a matter of asking the right questions, and the right question is, who doesn't know????

my oh my, rumors spread like wildfire dont u think? especially if its TRUE!

in school

im still in school. so far.. no subjects succesfully attended except fer psyche to which, by the way, ive managed to piss my proff off ---if he isn't so touchy as hell--- and to which i was 30 minutes late, like always.

fucking everything

i cry but i laugh because the weight of my emotions was overdone by the fact that they're all very stupid idiots. why? i have no idea. they just don't seem to make much sense and im getting really sick and tired of always trying to make something valuable out of them.

yes, i cried and fist the floor but they think they're right and i wanna go insane (that's right, im not). i swear i'll wet my skivvies and everything but i will never, ever forget.

Hateful

colleen woke me up severely early this morning, saying our plans were postponed for the day. my beauty sleep, ruined. fine, so im free the whole day, then more time to sleep. i was happy. i went back to sleep, still happy.

But.

paolo called. plans MUST go on, he emphasized. so? its not like i REALLY have to go right? i can just totally ignore them and get right back to REM. Bur NO, they just HAD to bombard me with guilt-fishing messages and force me to get out of my half-asleep hysteria and ditch ditching them!

HANDS DOWN

so yeah... ummm.. i decided to stop this madman thing that's happening. could have gone even worse that what is here now. i can sleep a little now, you know. but smiles fade and moods swing once again. nostalgia will probably forever stay but who can do anything about it but the very source of all this nonsense?(ain't me!)

best will always be best. that's what matters.

Insomiac free verse

"as i turned out the lights
and the darkness sank in
i never realized what this could mean:
when one moment in your life
stretched on like eternity
in your silence, in your day,
...a million miles away.

and in my wistful restless night
like thieves with no disguise,
your seismic existence
consume my sanity and my satirical soul
with your voice which never left my head"


oh nostagia, what a wicked thing!


when sleep deprives you, there is nothing you can do but write about it.

being back

worlds collide.

no warnings. no signs. just there nearing and nearing until nothing else separates the two. just the thousand miles that makes it. or breaks it. it's there but it isn't ready. there but restrained. my world is all out but the other is unwilling. what comes next is up to the other. not mine. but it's me that's trapped. no way out.

no way.

giddy giddy

okay. censorship activated.

been slapped. hard.

ang weird. it's been what? 4 days since that faithful wednesday night when everything else blurred around us. its incomprehendably SHOCKing. i don't even feel like telling you about it. it's too... preciously mine. uck. im lost for words.

it was such a pleasant surprise, totally unpredictable and i still can't grasp the fact.. lmao.. jologs talaga ko i swear. kakanta nalang ako. (sabi ko nga, jologs ako!)

"now i turned around again
searching for a friend
and i see your face again.. and again
feel me today
cuz you're million miles away..
and you know.."

snip snip

i cut classes today.

oh God, arvin made me do it! he was so pissed off he didn't have a clean shirt to put on this morning that we went out really later that we're suppose to. and then we waited for 2 hours for a taxi. not one came. so we ended up in front of this internet cafe we frequently go to.. and you can guess what happened next.

onto other things:

glassjaw still rocks, even if they're bound to sell out, being in Warner music and everything. i just hate sharing them with anyone else i guess.

i miss everybody.

dripping with sarcasm

philo101 makes my day. woohoo!

its thursday. no classes.

i have discovered:

smelly is very territorial. this afternoon, i cleaned up his place(i refuse to call it cage or kulungan for that matter) and when i placed him back inside after it's squeaky clean, with fresh pine shavings, he wouldn't stop scurrying about and sniffing like crazy. just like the very first time i laid him there.

im beginning to get tired of seeing my face each and everyday of my life in front of the mirror. like i want to just punch me or something.

i might just flunk chem. i dont know. im not very confident about it. i have not given my very best though. its just not the kind of thing id want to really exert effort on. you know?

i miss chychy. and wana. and bobby.

eh umuulan

saturday.

i woke up, i hated it.

its too cold and too early for what i intended. my head hurts from reading too much old english (the scarlet letter by nathaniel hawthorne)the night before although i am thoroughly enjoying the book. i hear screaming from the outside of my door like every single damn morning of my life since i started living in that room.

a jumpstart for the day, indeed.

eh umuulan.

it's suddenly not so bad!

Off to college

I went to watch a movie with ivan, arvin and paul last night. it was suppose to be some kind of a get-together since paul's starting his college life sooner than the rest of us being in "la salle" benilde and all.

His classes starts tomorrow.

So i was like maybe thinking of how college would be for me, who spend the rest of my life with the same set of people and how i find dealing with strangers really sucks and complicates your life. Will i be able to survive it? When will change ever stop? i mean, i guess in a lot of aspects im my life change has done so well and it helped me in loads of things but the ones that don't need much change are often the target of constant readjustments.

anyway everything would be much easier if a person i just met wouldn't know that im a total psycho then life would just go on like there's nothing to it and nothing bad could ever happen.. if you know what i mean.

rebirth

i feel like i have been standing here for a very very long time but i've only started moving now.
and it feels good to move.