so today, he decided he wanted to see me and told me so when he called me up. dont get the wrong idea. he wanted something that has to do with an online game. i would've shot you a wide-eyed-surprise look if you really though he wanted to see ME. (splat! right on TARget)
it hurts so much that all his friends* had to do is holler out to him to play a game with them and he'll come FUCKING running like a dog. of course, i didn't have any choice but to step aside quietly without resistance. i mean, sure i could have given him hell but that was just so YESTERDAY. its different now. i am stripped of every right to be at the very least bit irritating or inconvenient to him. he didn't even try to fake an "oh you're going home already? come on you should STAY. i wanna be with YOU". but why would he anyway?
this was just a not-so-subtle reminder to me that hey, im not joking myself. this is for real. its actually happening. no turning back now. no sirrree. how'd ya like them suzie Q?
so he walked me home into the soft drizzle 3o minutes after we've met at the computer shop and i quickly closed the gate behind me. i dont want him to expect it to be any romantic goodnight or anything. he, for one thing did not deserve it and hell, i don't feel like giving him one anyhow. man, im getting really edgy over all those goodbyes.
i have to get use to all this. i shouldn't be expecting anything more from this guy i somehow once shared my life with. it was just a short 3 years wasn't it? i mean, not even half of my life! why should i be so upset? why should i be affected? why should a get hurt everytime we "see" each other? why should i care?
who would have though there was only ONE ANSWER TO ALL THOSE QUESTIONS.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
an excerpt from yesterday, March 29, 2006:
leaving my safe-zone
i caught him lying again today.
i hate it when i catch his lies. we would be both better off if he is a greater liar that i am. obviously he isnt. it takes a damn good one to know one. so we vent off our anger (mostly mine) and i ended up deciding into this totally un-me setup that was suppose to be our "relationship" for the next days/months/years to come.
i was going over the fact that he could've just told me the truth since i wouldn't have minded but he insisted that he couldn't do it blah blah blah and that he couldn't take this commitment that i--oops. THERE. he's said IT. i totally blasted out of my wits over that one. not that it showed. i just sort of waved my hand in the air in a defeated way and miraculously, all my anger melted right there in the middle of the long stretching road of ortigas. i understood it at that moment. that was the problem. oh, it was THAT.
after three years of being together he unveiled this revelation that he couldn't take this COMMITMENT surging in my veins. concocted my blood and littered my cereal. i was heartbroken and devastated. why wouldn't i be? this being in front of me whom i cared for with such devotion and who drove me crazy yet the only thing that kept me sane. i felt that ugly feeling in my stomach that could only mean the bitter bile of betrayal.
sorrowfully we walked home. i, pretending to be okay and keeping my nerves where they should be and him itching to jump into the nearest vehicle and get the freaking hell away from this total psycho he called his girlfriend. he said he'd call me as soon as he gets home but i waved it off as nothing but words slurring out of his mouth without any meaning.
i knew it was all over and things would never be the same. i've lost the only thing in my life i was sure of. things could have gone the better way but i left my safe-zone this afternoon and im telling you it feels cold being out.
posted by karly at 11:46 PM 0 comments
i caught him lying again today.
i hate it when i catch his lies. we would be both better off if he is a greater liar that i am. obviously he isnt. it takes a damn good one to know one. so we vent off our anger (mostly mine) and i ended up deciding into this totally un-me setup that was suppose to be our "relationship" for the next days/months/years to come.
i was going over the fact that he could've just told me the truth since i wouldn't have minded but he insisted that he couldn't do it blah blah blah and that he couldn't take this commitment that i--oops. THERE. he's said IT. i totally blasted out of my wits over that one. not that it showed. i just sort of waved my hand in the air in a defeated way and miraculously, all my anger melted right there in the middle of the long stretching road of ortigas. i understood it at that moment. that was the problem. oh, it was THAT.
after three years of being together he unveiled this revelation that he couldn't take this COMMITMENT surging in my veins. concocted my blood and littered my cereal. i was heartbroken and devastated. why wouldn't i be? this being in front of me whom i cared for with such devotion and who drove me crazy yet the only thing that kept me sane. i felt that ugly feeling in my stomach that could only mean the bitter bile of betrayal.
sorrowfully we walked home. i, pretending to be okay and keeping my nerves where they should be and him itching to jump into the nearest vehicle and get the freaking hell away from this total psycho he called his girlfriend. he said he'd call me as soon as he gets home but i waved it off as nothing but words slurring out of his mouth without any meaning.
i knew it was all over and things would never be the same. i've lost the only thing in my life i was sure of. things could have gone the better way but i left my safe-zone this afternoon and im telling you it feels cold being out.
posted by karly at 11:46 PM 0 comments
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